Untitled
by Bent137
Summary: Oh just read it! I am not summarizing this for you. : [Parody] : [Complete]
1. Meet Rory Gilmore

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it. Frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Meet Rory Gilmore

Rory Gilmore stretched her legs underneath her blue plade school skirt as she leened back in her hard chair. Youd think with all the money her grandparents were paying 2 send her 2 this stupid school they'd at least have the descency 2 supply comfortable chairs!_(AN: Really! I mean, like, where does all the money go anyways right?)_ She reached a hand up 2 gently fluff her coffee colored, creamy hair that was put up in 2 oh so cute, blue, fluffy, puff hair ties._(AN: Doesn't that sound, like, sooooooooooooo cute? I so want a pair of thos just like Brittney Spears! If you, like, know where I can find some let me know okay?! COOL! Thanks!)_ She couldn't wait for the boring teacher 2 stop talking so she could go home and see her onederful boyfriend Dean. He was sooooooooooooo cute! He has floppy hair and he's really tall and his eyes are really beautiful. She sighed dreamily thinking about him. "God, like, won't this class just end already!" she thought, "Like, who cares about math! When am I ever gonna, like, use that huh?"_(AN: Really! I mean, as if! Come on, like, everything's automatic these days! I don't need to know that, like, 2 +2 = 5!)_ Luckly for Rory the bell rang just then and she left the class room. She grabbed a few books out of her locker and hurried out 2 catch her bus. When she stepped off the bus in Star Hollows Dean was waiting for her on the bench. "Hey Dean!" Rory exclaimed as she flounced over 2 him and gave him a kiss._(AN: Awww!)_ "I luv u babe," Dean said. "I luv u 2!" Rory exclaimed smiling and giggling. The 2 walked over to the gazebo and sat down. "Dean, I like, need to talk to you about something," Rory said seriously. "Okay honey what is it?" Dean asked getting serious. Rory giggled and lowered her eyelashes._(AN: Because she's flirting with him duh.)_ "Well you would so not believe what a day it was! School was, like, so fun. Except for the whole having to learn thing!" Dean stared deep into Rory's eyes._(AN: Because he's in love with her and thinks she's beautiful and smart!)_ "It was so funny! Tristan did this cute little thing in second period it was this weird I can't describe it but god it was so cute! All the girls were staring at him it was so funny! And then Summer 'accidently' dropped her lunch tray on Paris at lunch!" Rory even used air quotes. Dean's face hardened at the mention of Tristan. "You said Tristan was cute?" Rory looked at him funny, "Well yeah."_(AN: Because he is! Duh! Tristan if you read this! I wanna, like, marry you and have, like, a million of your babys!) _Dean got a really mean look on his face and got all mad.

__

(AN: Dun-dun-dun! To be continued! because I like making you wait! Remember, Review, Review Review! Or else! I won't post the next chapter because I'm mean and I don't care! 10 reviews and I'll post the next chapter okay?!)


	2. Mean Old Dean

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it. Frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Mean Old Dean

"Rory!" Dean yell-whined, "I can't believe you think that accountant is cute!" Rory looked at Dean through her wide, innocent, blue eyes, "Dean what's wrong with u?" Dean glared at Rory, "Your cheating on me with him aren't you? WELL? Answer me!"_(AN: Dean's really mad now!) _Rory groaned and rolled her eyes, "Dean you are so impossible! Maybe I am!" Dean stared at her in shock for a moment before slapping her across the face, "You, u, SKANK!"_(AN: Isn't he so mean!)_ he yelled. All the townies stopped what they were doing and watched the two. "Somebody get Luke," Miss Patty said. Rory burst into tears, "I only said maybe you moron!" Rory cleared her eyes and looked at Dean with her head held high. "You hit me! We're through. I hop Luke gets you!"_(AN: Sorry but I like Tristan so much better Dean had to GO!)_ Rory jumped up and ran off through the crowd to her house. After she did Luke came bursting through the crowd and barreled at Dean. He put him in a headlock and beat the pulp out of him._(AN: Go Luke! It's your birthday! Go Luke! Go Luke!) _At Rory's house her mom wasn't home yet so Rory made herself some coffee and grabbed some candy before going to her room. She set the coffee on her stand and flopped onto her bed. She sat and ate the candy for a few minutes before getting back up. She wandered over to her vanity and looked at her nailpolishes. She chose a bright silver one then turned on her radio and sat down. J-Lo "Ain't it Funny" was on, the remix. She liked this song._(AN: Don't you just LOVE that song?!)_ Rory sang along and bobbed her head as she did her nails

Ain't it funny  
It's been awhile since  
You came around  
Now ya wanna see  
What's goin' down  
Tryin' to tell me  
Why ya want my time  
Tryin' to tell me  
How I'm on your mind  
See it never had  
To be this way  
You should've never played  
The games you played  
Now I'm seein' that  
You're kinda lame  
Knowin how  
The situation change  
  
Ain't that funny  
Baby that you want me  
When you had me  
Love is crazy  
Now I can smile and say  
Ain't that funny  
Baby that you want me  
When you had me  
Love is crazy  
I'm glad I can smile and say  
Ain't that funny  
  
I remember  
How you walked away  
Even when I tried  
To call your name  
See at first  
I didn't understand  
Now you're lookin'  
Like a lonely man  
I remember how you  
Did me wrong  
And now you're hurtin'  
'Cause my love is gone  
Everybody gets  
A chance to burn  
You can take it  
As a lesson learned  
  
Ain't that funny  
Baby that you want me  
When you had me  
Love is crazy  
Now I can smile and say  
Ain't that funny

Baby that you want me  
When you had me  
Love is crazy  
I'm glad I can smile and say  
Ain't that funny  
  
Baby, I got my boyfriend  
Is that your girlfriend?

But maybe  
We can be friends  
La, da, da, da, da, da

Baby, I got my boyfriend  
Is that your girlfriend?

But maybe  
We can be friends  
La, da, da, da, da, da

  
I really wish  
You wouldn't send me gifts  
Tryin' to make me  
Sit and reminisce  
Tryin' to blind me  
With your blingin' bling  
Thought I told you  
Love don't cost a thing  
Hope you realise  
That now I'm through  
And I don't ever wanna  
Hear from you  
I had enough of  
Bein' there for you  
Now I'm laughin'  
Why you play the fool?  
  
Ain't that funny  
Baby that you want me  
When you had me  
Love is crazy  
Now I can smile and say  
Ain't that funny  
Baby that you want me  
When you had me  
Love is crazy  
I'm glad I can smile and say  
Ain't that funny  
  
Baby, is that your girlfriend?  
I got my boyfriend  
But maybe  
We can be friends  
La, da, da, da, da, da  
Baby, I got my boyfriend  
Is that your girlfriend?  
But maybe  
We can be friends  
La, da, da, da, da, da

She was just finishing up when her mom cam in the door! "RORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled as she moved through the house dropping her purse, and coat in places she'd probably never remember later. She showed up in Rory's doorway "Hey kiddo, how was your day?"

__

(AN: To be continued again! Remember, Review, Review Review! Or else! I won't post the next chapter because I'm mean and I don't care! 10 reviews and I'll post the next chapter okay?!)


	3. Coffee Solves All

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Coffee Solves All

Rory had told her mother all about her day, starting with how great school was, and ending with her fight with Dean. Lorelai was sympathetic, and angry._(AN: Well duh, she is her mom!)_ After they'd finished their conversation she determined that they needed coffee. So they grabbed their coats and walked to Luke's. Luke looked up when Lorelai pushed the door open, he was wearing what he always wore flanel and a backwards baseball cap._(AN: I wonder if he washes it. Ew!) _Lorelai and Rory sat on stools at the counter and asked Luke for coffee. He promptly poured it for them and Lorelai looked at him funny, he didn't even fight her! Something was definatly wrong. Lorelai and Rory exchanged looks at Luke's odd behavior. "Luke?" Lorelai asked tentatively, "Something wrong?" Luke looked at her, "What? No. Why would u think that?" Lorelai looked at her coffee and then back at Luke, "Well you just gave me coffee without fighting me about it."_(AN: Wow something is so definatly wrong right? He never does that!)_ Luke looked at her puzzled, "I did? Huh. I guess I did." Lorelai tilted her head to the side, "What is it Luke?" Luke shrugged, "Nothing, Nothing." He turned his attention to Rory, "Hey kid! U ok?" She looked up at him and smiled, "Yeah, I'm fine. Did u hurt him bad?" Luke laughed a little, "Well, not 2 bad, but enough for him 2 regret what he did." Rory nodded and finished her coffee, "Well I'm going 2 go. I've got 2 do my homework and call Madeline."_(AN: Because they're friends! And Louise gets the answers from Paris, and Madeline gets them from Louise and Rory gets them from Madeline! Get it? That's what my friends and I do. It's really cool because only Melody has 2 do the actual work. And she likes doing it 'cos she's really smart! So it's so cool! Then we can party more!)_ Luke said goodbye and Lorelai added that she'd see her at home. After Rory had walked out the door Lorelai turned to Luke, "What's up?" Luke looked at her, "What do u mean?" Lorelai rolled her eyes, "You know what I mean! What's the matter with u tonight?" Luke wiped the counter down with a rag not wanting to make eye contact with Lorelai. "My sister called, she's sending her son here to live." Lorelai looked at him, "Why?" Luke shrugged, "I guess he's kind of a problem for her. Which really doesn't tell me anything, a goldfish would be a problem for her!"

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(AN: To be continued again! Remember, Review, Review Review! Or else! I won't post the next chapter because I'm mean and I don't care! 10 reviews and I'll post the next chapter okay?!)


	4. It'll Be Okay

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

It'll Be Okay

The next day Rory woke up and rode the bus 2 school. She went in and tried to open her locker but like usual it wouldn't open. She cursed the locker under her breath, tuging on it harder. Suddenly she sensed someone behind her, "Need some help Mary?" She turned around and stared straight into the beautiful, crystal clear, blue eyes of Tristan DuGrey._(AN: Aren't his eyes so pretty?) _Tristen reached around Rory and gently hit her locker to open it for her. Rory smiled at him flirtatiously, "Thank you Mr. Dugray." He smiled back at her and leaned against the row of lockers, "No problem. So how're things with you and bagboy?" She smiled slyly at him, "We broke up. He hit me because I thought you were cute." Tristan regarded her openly and moved a step closer, "Is that so?" Rory nodded quickly and Tristin commited this to memory, "Well we'd better get to class Rory." She smiled at him, "you know my name."_(AN: Shock!)_ He smiled back as they entered their biology class and ran smack into Paris and her science project which proceeded to smash to the floor. All three looked at the mess and Paris went ballistic, she yelled at them and the teacher came running over. "Paris calm down it will be okay," Mr. Linden said. It didn't work, poor Paris was hyperventilating._(AN: Because Paris is crazy like that)_ Mr. Linden looked around, "Todd, could you watch the class for a couple minutes?" When Todd nodded her turned back to Rory and Tristan, "Tristan could you run to the maintenance closet and get a mop to mop up this water? Actually first you and Rory you might want to go clean up yourselves." He motioned to the red paint across their clothes. "I'm going to take Miss Gellar to the clinic." Rory and Tristan left and each went to their respective lockers where Tristan pulled out a fresh shirt to replace his and Rory pulled out her blazer to replace her sweater vest. They smiled at each other and went into their respective restrooms to change. When Rory came out she found Tristan waiting for her just outside the door. He smiled at her, "Want to come with me to get the mop?" She nodded and they walked to the Maintnence closet, which was unusually open._(AN: Oooo mystery)_ Tristan walked in and Rory followed him they made their way to the back of the large closet where the mops were and didn't notice that one of the janitors had passed by and shut the door. They took the mop and walked back to the door, "Who shut the door?" Tristan furrowed his brow in confusion he turned the handle but the door didn't open. He turned and looked at Rory, "It's locked."

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(AN: Dun, dun DUN! Cliffhanger. I'll continue it when I get 10 more reviews. Because remember, I don't care.)


	5. Minutes In Heaven

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Minutes in Heaven

"You're KIDDING," Rory exclaimed pushing past him and trying the door. It was indeed locked. They sat down on some broken chairs that were still semi usable and stared at each other. After a few minutes Tristan said, "I'm bored." Rory looked up at him, "So am I."_(AN: Well who wouldn't be?)_ They regarded each other for a moment before Tristan finally spoke, "So you and Dean broke up over me?" Rory nodded, "Because I said you were cute yesterday when you did that thing."_(AN: Are you kiddding me? He's cute ALL the time! hehehehe)_ Tristan nodded, "Oh, so you admit to thinking I'm cute finally." Rory just smiled and nodded. Tristan thought a moment than got the courage to do what he wanted. He walked over to her and she stood up as she saw him coming. He pressed his lips to hers._(AN: Don't you wish you were her?)_ She smiled into the kiss and leaned towards him deepening it. He pressed her back against her a shelving unit, wrapping his arms around her waist. She reached up and threaded her fingers through his hair pulling his mouth farther onto hers. They pressed their bodies against each other and Tristan started to slip his hand up her shirt, she shivered lightly._(AN: Okay this is PG13 and writing like this makes me nervous so I'll stop now!)_ Just then the door was opened and a light shone in illuminating their guiltiness.

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(AN: Dun, dun DUN! Another cliffhanger. I'll continue it when I get 10 more reviews. Because remember, I don't care.)


	6. For A Reason

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

For A Reason

Rory blinked against the blinding light. "Both of u report 2 the headmasters office right this instant. This is unacceptable behavior." The light finally gave way and Rory saw it was Mr. Medina, "I expected this from Tristan, but I thought u were better than that Rory." Rory bowed her head and grabbed her bag walking past Mr. Medina, Tristan followed just behind her._(AN: She is so ashamed!)_ They made their way 2 the office and when they had arrived there the secretary sent them right in. They each took a seat in the chairs facing Mr. Charleston. He looked at them with pity, "I'm very disappointed in both of u. This will go on ur permanent record. We will phone your parents, and u will each have a weeks worth of detention."_(AN: How mean right?)_ Rory gasped, "Mr. Charleston I can't afford 2 have detention." He looked at her, "You should have thought of that before you did this. Both of you leave now, get back to class." They stood up and walked out the door as Mr. Charleston popped a few peanuts into his mouth from the bowl on his desk. The secretary was no where to be seen when they opened the door, the walked right out and down the hall. Back in the Headmasters office he began to choke on a peanut._(AN: Oh No!)_ He hit the call button on his phone repeatedly, out in the main office however no one was there to hear it, and the heavy oak doors blocked the noise from going into the hall. Moments later the buzzing noise stopped.

__

(AN: I'll continue it when I get 10 more reviews. Because remember, I don't care.)


	7. Very George W.

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Very George W.

Rory got off of the bus in Stars Hollow and walked towards Luke's Diner. When she walked in she spotted her mother already sitting at the counter begging Luke for coffee. Rory hopped up next 2 her. "Luke, can I please have a cup of cofffee?"_(AN: As though it'd be anything else!)_ She asked sweetly. Luke smiled at her and poured her a cup. Lorelai pouted at Luke and he sighed and poured her some too. Lauralie looked at Rori, "You need to meet Luke's nephew. It's funny!" Rory raised an eyebrow, "Loke has a nephew?" Luke looked up from wiping down a table, "Yes, my sister's seventeen year old." Lorelai snickered and said sarcastically, "Yeah and he's very talkative. Oh hey I have a great idea! How about we have Jess and Duke over for dinner? Sookie and Jackson can come and Sookie can cook and it'll be fun."_(AN: Just like the show)_ Luke was behind the counter again, "Sure. We'll be there." Rory stood up suddenly, "Thanks for the coffee Luke, I've got homework. Later."

At her house Rory walked in and heard the phone ring. She stood still and listened before running to the living room. She listened again and then lifted up a pile of magazines on the floor and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" she asked breathless. "Gee Mary, What have u been doing?" Rory giggled, "Naughty things." Tristan laughed on the other end and Rory smiled. "What's up darling?" she asked rolling her r a little._(AN: How Lolita, just like Britney Spears! Shoutouts to Chris here! Yea!! lol funny huh? You know I don't really mean it like THAT.) _"Me," Tristan replied quickly, "Actually I called two warn you. The school is going to call and ask if we saw anything strange in the headmasters office." Rory rolled her eyes as she dragged her backpack into her room and threw it ontoo her bed, "You mean aside from the rug on his head?" The line was silent for a moment, finally Tristan spoke, "You don't know?" Rory's eyes got wide, "Don't tell me that was his real hair!"_(AN: Hehe funny huh?)_ Tristan sigh, "Rory he's dead. Choked on a peanut." Rory frowned, "Wow. That's sad. How very George W. Bush of him._(AN: except W choked on a pretzel and didn't die.)_ Do we still have detention?" Tristan could help laugh, "I would assume not." Rory smiled again, "Okay great. I gotta do homework and get ready for tonight." She clicked the phone off as Tristan was just trying to say, "Tonight?" The word echoed through his room and he stared at the phone.

Rory immediately called Madeline who would give her the answers to her homework.

__

(AN: 10 reviews=1 chapter.)


	8. Out The Window

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Out The Window

The school had called just like Tristan said, and Rory had told them that she hadn't seen anything strange or anything. It was finally the night, Sookie and Jackson were in the kitchen, Lorelai was wandering all around. Rory decided since she didn't know this Jess person she'd be able to act normal. Just incase. She made sure her room was pretty clean and had her books out. She put on a nice pair of jeans and a sweater then sat at her desk playing on her laptop._(AN: It's gonna get like the episode for a little bit now)_ When she heard her mom say they were here she quickly closed out and shut down her laptop. She turned around and saw the most beautiful creature she'd ever seen standing in the doorway. He was tall, dark, and handsome, with hair that just made you want to run your fingers through it and beautiful brown eyes. She smiled dazzlingly at him and said, "Hi, I'm Rory." He just nodded, looking at her books, "I figured." She observed as he wandered over to her books and looked at them, "Do you read?" He shrugged and said, "Some." He picked up a book of poems, "I can loan you that if you want." He looked up at her as he put it down, "Nah." He walked over to her windows and looked at them, "Do these open?" "Sure, just undo the lock and push." "Cool, Shall we?" Oh, a rebel. Rory looked towards the kitchen quickly just as Lorelai appeared in her door. "We're moving to the dining room because we can't keep Jackson away from the vegtables." "Okay we'll be right there."_(AN: Okay back to my real writing.)_ Once the adults were in the other room Rory turned back to him, "If I go with you are you going to buy me food, because I'm hungry." He looked at her, "Sure." She opened the window and they climbed out. They ran off into the dark. Lorelai came back to the door, "Hey you guys it's gonna get cold, Guys?" She looked around and didn't see them. Suddenly a gust of wind blew the curtain of Rory's window out. "Luke! They're gone!"

__

(AN: You know the deal.)


	9. Late Night Confessions

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Late Night Confessions

Rory and Jess walked around town for a little while, finding nothing open. They went and sat in the gazebo and stared at their shoes for a little while. Finally Rory looked up at him a sly smile crossing her face, "You're cute." Jess looked at her in surprise, "Uh thanks. You're beautiful." She smiled at him, "Thanks. I think I'm in love." He looked at her in shock, "I think I am too." Their lips met in a passionate kiss. Rory giggled as she broke away, "Love at first sight." Tess smiled, "Yes. Love at first sight." They kissed some more and it began to get heated. Rory slipped her hands under Jess's shirt._(AN: Jeez he's hot)_ Suddenly he stood up and held out his hand, "Come on." Rory took his hand and followed him until they were at the bridge. There, underneath a pale moon they kissed again and began taking each others clothes off.

__

(AN: You know the deal)


	10. Out of Sight

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Out of Sight

Clothes were strewn all across the bridge. Jess and Rory lay together on the bank of the stream, on a patch of soft grass in the moonlight. They were curled up together, their arms around each other, Rory's head resting on Jess's shoulder. They both had her eyes closed and Rory was gently stroking Jess's chest. Jess lifted his head and kissed her hair. "I love you," he said squeezing her close. She smiled and looked up at him, "I love you too." They lay like that for a few more seconds before Rory sat up, "We'd better get going. I'm sure they've noticed we're gone by now." Jess nodded and got up. They gathered their clothes and began getting dressed. Rory's body was cold now that Jess was gone. Her face was sullen and she sighed, her shoulders slumping as she picked her bra off of a bush. She was having doubts, and worries. She turned to Jess as she finished clasping it. "What happens now?" Jess finished pulling his shirt over his head and looked at her. He looked down as he pulled down his shirt and walked over to her, "I don't know." Rory looked up at him as she grabbed her shirt, "Well are we together?" She pulled the shirt over her head and pulled her hair out from under the collar then tucked it behind her ears. "I guess. I mean, if you want to be." She looked up at him and smiled, "Sure." They began making their way down the path toward town and Rory turned her head towards him, "So what do you like to do for fun?" Jess smiled at her. "Cause trouble, watch movies, write, read, kiss beautiful girls," He leaned down and kissed her, "and make love to you." Rory smiled and they made their way through the town to her house.

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(AN: You know the deal)


	11. Out of Mind

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Out of Mind

They walked inside and were immediately bombarded by Sookie, who began questioning them as she dialed her cell phone, "Where were you guys? Lorelai! Yes. They're back. Rory, Jess, where were you? Hold on I'm asking." Rory and Jess looked at each other. Rory spoke up, "I was just showing Jess around town." Sookie went back to the phone, "She was showing Jess around town. Yes. I will." She looked back at the teens as she clicked off the phone, "You're both to stay here until Luke and Lorelai get back." Just then Jackson came out of the kitchen, "Hey guys, are you hungry? I saved you some food." Rory and Jess looked at him and Rory said, "Sure." He motioned for them to come into the kitchen as Sookie walked onto the porch. Rory and Jess began following him. Rory looked at Jess, "Boy am I hungry. I never realized that took so much out of you." Jess smiled at her, "Now you know." She smiled back, "Yes, now I do."

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(AN: You know the deal)


	12. Authors Note.

This is one big Authors note:

It has been brought to my attention that well... let me quote! I love to quote stupidity.

Nikki- "Um not to be rude or anything but your writings a bit immature and no ones in cahracter . just a thought"

Megan- "You need to learn how to spell! I've only read the 1st 2 sentences and I can't understand it!"

Jessie- "this is awful! you cant spell, everyone is out of character too! and like, im sure that like, rory says like, like, so like, much!"

GGFAN- "I have to agree with megan and jessie, this is horrible! and learn to spell, and get them in character!"

Alright I'm sure you see what I do now. Now for the majority of the rest of you, you should be laughing your behinds off right now. Because don't we all just love it when people attempt to bash us and call us stupid when in actuality they're the idiots? Yes. I called you idiots. Too bad get over it because you are.

Authors notes are not there just for my health people. Actually they're probably against my health. No they're there to convey important messages to you

SO TRY READING THEM ONCE IN A WHILE YOU MORONS.

Let's take a look at the authors note that has appeared on every chapter of this fic...

"AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it. Frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!"

Now let's break it down...

Exhibit A) "AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking."

****

Mock - 1. ridicule. 2. imitate; mimic. 3. imitation.

In short... I'm making fun of all the crappy stories out there.

Exhibit B)"Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this."

Nikki's seen another of my fics, she should know by now I don't write like this.

Exhibit C)"I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide"

Exactly what it sounds like. You can access it here: http://www.geocities.com/angelgrace81677/splash.htm It's in the Crap Shack.

Exhibit D)"I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this."

Also exactly what it sounds like.

Exhibit E)"I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it. Frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!"

Once again, exactly what it sounds like. And I still don't give a hoot I just hate public displays of stupidity. Plus you caught me on a BAD day to piss me off. They just axed Dark Angel. I'm feeling the urge to commit random acts of violence. Be lucky you're getting off with a talking to!


	13. Time Will Tell

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot!

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

Time Will Tell

Luke and Lorelai came marching side by side down the sidewalk towards the Gilmore house. Sookie saw them from the porch and ran down to meet them. "Hey. They looked to be unharmed." "Where are they?" Lorelai growled. "Kitchen. Jackson's feeding them." Lorelai slammed through the door, Luke following her casting a look behind him at Sookie. Jess and Rory were sitting at the kitchen table eating the heaps of food on their plates as Jackson kept piling more on. Jess was complimenting Jackson on the corn while Rory sucked on a lemon wedge. Lorelai came storming in, "Where in the name of all that is good were you two?" Rory looked up at her mother and swallowed, "I was showing Jess around Stars Hollow." Lorelai shook her head, "No way. That doesn't fly! You were gone for at least forty five minutes, it takes five to show someone around Stars Hollow." Jess watched the two an amused expression on his face, Luke was watching him however and getting suspicious. Rory looked from Jess to her mother, "Well Jess was very amused with Monty, and we were playing on the giant slinky for a while." Jess chose then to chime in, "Plus counting all the stupid shops in this town. Did you know there are 12 shops devoted entirely to peddling porcelain unicorns?" Luke grinned, "Yeah I've lived in this town my whole life and I still don't believe it." Both men shook there heads amusedly. Rory looked back to Lorelai, "Anyways then we went by the bakery and I was telling him about Fran." "The cupcake lady?" "The cupcake lady!" "Fran!" Lorelai looked at Jess, "We love Fran." Rory shook her head her hands fluttering in the air like birds as she tried to catch her train of thought again. "Anyways, so we were talking about sugar and chocolate. Then Willy Wonka!" Lorelai looked at Jess, "You like Willy Wonka?" Jess nodded. As Lorelai began discussing the movie with Jess, Sookie and Jackson decided to leave. Jackson's parsnips were looking a little glum and he wanted to get home to check on them. Soon after Luke headed back for the diner. Lorelai, Rory and Jess ate their dessert then shipped Jess back to Luke's and went to bed. Rory lay in the dark in her bed smiling lightly. She was in love with Jess, and they'd shown that to each other on the bridge. She could even be herself with him, she could sense it. She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes falling into a soft sleep.

__

(AN: You know the deal)


	14. How It Ends

Title: Untitled

Rating: PG13 (Some light violence nothing really big!)

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: R/D, R/T, and R/J

Summary: AU, Formally known as "Why I Write Fan fiction." 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It'd be cool. Not making money.

AN: Witness me mocking, this is me mocking. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I do not tend to write like this. I hate people who write like this. I just couldn't help having a little fun with the "Bad Fic For Dummies" guide. Besides, mocking makes the world go round. I also want to say, this is WHY I write. So people like me don't have to read crap like this. I hope those of you enlightened folks(You know who you are) enjoy this. Those who aren't enlightened, I hope you enjoy it too. Those who don't enjoy it, frankly m'dear, I don't give a hoot! **_Hey, this is me, the real me. Enjoy this chapter because this is how to write a fic. (Even if cliched with a twist of lemon, shaken not stirred, heh.) It's spaced, grammatically correct, and fairly well characterized(except maybe Rory and Jess but that's because of the story line) It's also longer. So enjoy. I had fun writing this, but I'd never do it again, nor do I suggest doing it, lol._**

Feedback: Yes. Feed my Back because you Feed my Back, and I'll Feed yours. ;)

****

How It Ends

It was now nearly two months after that night and Rory was becoming concerned. Yep you guess it, she missed her friend. Not Jess you silly's, her other friend, the one that visits once a month and makes her life miserable. Rory had been fretting and worrying and pacing her room every day. Finally she realized she couldn't hide it anymore, she had to tell her mother. But first, she had to make her mother happy. Her mom was getting along fairly well with Jess, but still. This was not good news. Rory decided to tell her on movie night, in the middle of, she sighed, _Riding in Cars With Boys_. How fitting of her. Rory made sure everything was in order for the night, popcorn, lots of candy, coffee, movie, her room door locked, and her window was unlocked, as a precaution. A lump rose in her throat as she sat on the couch with Lorelai to watch the movie, and as the night wore on the lump got bigger and bigger. Just after the movie ended and the credits began to role Rory sighed, "Mom I missed my period."

"That's no big deal Hun," Lorelai said reaching to stop the movie, "You're safe since you're still a virgin, it's probably just hormones."

Rory stood up and moved closer to her room, "I'm not. Jess and I had sex, that night when he came to dinner."

Lorelai stared at her daughter, "You WHAT? Rory how could you do something so irresponsible."

Rory moved still closer to her room as her mother was now standing, "I love him mom."

"You had just met him," Lorelai hissed at Rory, "How could you love him then? Don't you know love at first sight doesn't exist? Lust at first sight maybe, but not love. How could you be so careless Rory. You're better than that. Or at least you were."

"Look mom, let's take this rationally, it might be nothing. We should take a test. Yeah that's what we should do! A test."

Lorelai looked at Rory, "You're right. Get your coat." Lorelai walked to the coat rack and grabbed her coat and keys walking out the door.

Rory ran behind her grabbing her coat, "Mom what are you doing? Nothing in Stars Hollow is open this late!"

Lorelai turned to her, half way to the jeep, "Like I'd buy a pregnancy test in Stars Hollow anyways! Get in the car."

Rory climbed in the car as Lorelai did and they began driving. Lorelai stopped in front of Luke's. Rory looked at her with wide eyes, "Mom what are you doing?"

Lorelai shut off the car and looked at her, "Out. Go get Jess, he was just as much a part of this as you. He deserves to panic too."

Lorelai and Rory climbed out of the car and walked to the door of the diner where Lorelai pounded on the door. Luke came down the stairs and turned on the lights rubbing his eyes. He opened the door, "What do you want Lorelai? It's 11 O'clock."

Lorelai brushed in the diner past him pulling Rory along, "Go get him Rory." Rory turned and ran up the stairs as Lorelai turned to Luke, "Your nephew might have gotten my daughter pregnant. So we're going to Hartford to get a pregnancy test. He's coming with us so he can be just as scared of the lines."

Luke's jaw dropped, "He WHAT? When? They are in love Lorelai maybe it'll be okay."

Lorelai sighed and looked down, "Yeah maybe it will, but I thought Chris and I were in love. Besides, they had sex practically the moment they met."

"You mean that night when we had to go look for them?"

"Yes," Lorelai was cut off by feet pounding down the stairs. Rory emerged followed by Jess who, though he looked bright eyed and bushy tailed, had his shirt on backwards and his hair messed up, apparently he'd been sleeping. Lorelai pointed at the door, "Car. NOW!"

Luke looked at them and added, "Backseat!"

The two teens hurried out the door and into the jeep while Lorelai just looked at Luke, "Huh?"

"I'm coming." Luke said grabbing his coat.

Lorelai nodded and the left the diner and climbed into the jeep speeding off to Hartford. They pulled into Hartford's 24 hour pharmacy and went in. They trooped into the row with the pregnancy tests and Lorelai told Rory and Jess to pick one out. They looked at each other and decided on one that showed one or two lines for an answer. Lorelai made them go up to the counter and Jess had to pay for it himself. They all grouped back into the jeep and rode silently back to Stars Hollow. Lorelai parked again in front of the diner and pointed Jess and Rory towards the stairs as Luke made coffee.

Once the teens were out of sight Lorelai dropped her head on the counter, "I feel awful."

Luke sighed and patted her hand, "It'll be okay. They're both good kids, and they're both smart. I'm sure it'll be okay."

"They apparently aren't smart enough," Lorelai mumbled.

"They're also teenagers with raging hormones."

Lorelai sighed, "Point taken. So really, what do you think? God what about Harvard? Will she have to drop out of school?"

Luke sighed, "I don't know Lorelai, I really don't."

Meanwhile upstairs Jess and Rory were anxiously waiting the one minute it took for the test to show their fate. They were both curled up on the floor, Rory wrapped up in Jess' arms crying. Suddenly the alarm on Jess' watch went off. They clambered up, untangling themselves. They rushed to the test. It showed one stripe.

Jess looked at Rory, "What does one stripe mean?"

Rory grabbed the box and read the back she sighed and handed the box to Jess looking troubled. Jess looked at the box than looked back at her with the same expression. They both looked towards the door and sighed. Rory grabbed the test and they walked downstairs.

Lorelai and Luke looked up as they entered. Rory held up the test, "One line."

Lorelai looked at her, "What's that mean?"

Jess tossed Luke the box and Luke looked at the back then smiled lightly and handed it to Lorelai. Lorelai looked at the back and gasped slightly as her hand covered her mouth. She looked up, staring at Rory.

"I'm not pregnant," Rory said softly.

Lorelai smiled then frowned, "We'll have to have it checked by a doctor to make it official but hopefully this thing is right."

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And that ladies and gents is our story. What? You want more? Tough? Wait is she really not pregnant? Did she go to the doctors? Short answers, yes She went to the doctor, Jess and Lorelai went with her. She ended up not being pregnant, it was a fluke. She was however put on birth control. She went back to Chilton, and shockingly no one aside from those four found out about the scare. She graduated Salutatorian and was accepted to Harvard. Jess stayed in Stars Hollow High for one year, until Rory convinced her grandparents that what she really wanted for her birthday and Christmas was tuition for Jess to attend Chilton if he was accepted. He was accepted, and they paid, which began the start of a wonderful thing. Richard and Emily decided to fund a scholarship to Chilton for one child each year. It was dubbed the Lorelai Mariano scholarship, as a tribute to Rory and Jess, it also served as a foreshadowing of the future. Jess was also accepted to Harvard and the two began their lives together in Boston. Jess for law, and Rory for Journalism. The summer before their Junior year the two were married in a small ceremony at The Independence Inn, which Sookie and Lorelai had bought from Mia. Everyone's happy, healthy and doing well.

(AN: I hope you enjoyed the story.)


End file.
